An Almost Love Story
by tough critic
Summary: includes James, Lily, Sirius, and an OC Madison. light on the fluff, heavy on the reality, and all about love theories. read prologue, at least.
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: the characters and settings do not belong to me. _

Love is not pretty. Really, it's not. It's vengeful and vindictive and spiteful and malicious. But for all of this, it does have its merits. Not the material or physical kind of benefits, though. Nor the kind that leaves you satisfied. I suppose there aren't really any benefits then. But before I let you get depressed about a concept you've been naively fantasizing about since puberty, let me say that love is good for your soul. It destroys it completely, and then it leaves room for it to be built back up again.

From the beginning, James harbored no illusions about his love for Lily Evans. He knew it was going to be painful and that it would likely never get better. Because for all the love of one person for another person that existed in the universe, the odds were that most of it fell under the category of 'unrequited.' He welcomed love, welcomed the pain, and although it may seem a little bit sadistic, he knew it was better than not feeling anything at all, and that's all that self-preservation would result it. No, James was a liver of life. He refused to shut out anything.

Lily Evans, quite the optimist, grew up relying on the fairy tale kind of love. There would one day be a prince (metaphorically speaking, of course) that would love her s much as she loved him and in the exact same way, and they would live happily and harmoniously. This is why she rarely gave a second thought to the rascal with the messy hair who knew exactly which buttons of hers to push and how hard to push them. Not even her own sister was as good as James Potter at getting her impossibly riled up.

Now Sirius Black, disillusioned youth and resident rebel, refused to acknowledge the existence of love altogether. But nobody who knew him could blame him. His past was not pretty and present was a bit less bearable than he would have wished. In fact, the only kind of human connection Sirius relied on was his relationship with his friends, the self-proclaimed Marauders. One would call this close bond brotherly love, but since Sirius didn't believe in love, he called it loyalty. Nobody minded, though, because, really, what was the difference?

Lily's dear friend and dorm-mate, Madison Helms, was a bit like Lily and James when it came to love, only more realistic. Like James, she knew it hurt. She knew this the moment she met Sirius Black, who shut off anything and everything that threatened his loveless existence. However, like Lily, she would never give up on it and would perpetually be in search of someone to love her, if that's what it took. Madison prided herself on her theories about love, one of them being the thought that true love is not about give and take. Rather, true love is about giving, and then feeling undeserving and humbled if the occasional called for taking.

_A/N: Am having doubts about whether or not to continue this story. Will continue if generates enough readership and support. Will not continue if nobody cares either way. Review and leave your thoughts, please._


	2. Before the Portrait Hole

AN: This has been a _very_ long time coming.

disclaimer: why don't we just attribute it all to JKR, and be done with it?

--

James Potter. James Potter. James Harold Potter. How could a something as simple as a name mean so much to so many people?

To James' father, it was a legacy, represented in a son that would undoubtedly uphold the the family name.

To the Hogwarts Faculty, it was actually one of two things: a young and brilliant mind or a constant source of headache.

To Sirus Black, it was a comfort, a safeguard against betrayal.

To Severus Snape, it was the bane of his existence, a source of anger, jealousy, and pain.

To Remus Lupin, it was the epitome of loyalty and friendship.

To Madison Helms, it was an enigma that seemed to represent a decent human being, though she couldn't be sure due to her friendship with Lily Evans.

Ah yes. And then there was Lily. Who knew _what _the name James Potter really meant to her. Was it an obstruction of justice, with the way he traipsed around rules and all over Severus? Was it an obstacle to contentment, with the way he irritated her mercilessly? Was it a paradox, when she caught him being kind and caring with younger students?

There was more, too. So much more that James either chose to ignore or did not know about.

--

"James Potter. James Potter. James Harold Potter! Hello! For goodness sake, Mr. Potter, are you aware that your mouse has fled into your bookbag?"

James snapped out of his trance to find himself in the middle of Transfiguration, being berated by Professor McGonagall. He looked down to find odd movement and squeaking noises coming from between his spare parchment and his Charms text. He nodded apologetically to McGonagall before bending down to retransfigure the rodent into a ball of yarn. Sirius snickered and nudged Madison in the ribs, who soon joined him, and Lily just rolled her eyes.

By the time class was over, James had forgotten about his slip in consciousness and was chatting animatedly with Sirius about their plans for the upcoming weekend. They had been planning a restocking trip to Hogsmead for quite some time. However, the rules had recently been fortified due to a purported increase in local illegal activity and dark magic. Most of the student did not know much about what was going on. They were just annoyed at the long lines there would be to get out of Hogwarts and into the village.

"You don't suppose they've got the witch statue covered, too, do you?" asked Sirius.

"Doubt it. But I don't think it's a good idea since we might want to return through the castle doors and they may keep a record of who is coming and who is going." was Remus' input.

"So you think they'll realize we came back without ever leaving? They never have before." replied James as he they turned the corner towards Gryffindor tower. "We could bring the map and try to sneak back..."

"Map of what?" said Madison's voice brightly as she caught up with them from behind. She fell into step beside Sirius and shot him a quick grin, eager to be included in the festivities. Lily was only a few meters behind her, looking slightly disgruntled.

"Well?" Lily insisted after a moment of silence from the others. "What are you planning now? And before you decide how to answer that, think about the state of security around this castle lately. Are you really so asanine as to think it's not for good reason? Or do you just think you're indestructible? Huh? Unlike the rest of us? Dare I say _better_ that the rest of us?"

Though the sting was meant to be directed towards all of the boys, and though she should have been reprimanding Sirius Black as it was his idea, Her eyes focused solely on James as she waited for a reply. Madison froze, grin slipping off her face and she took on a tired expression.

James was at a loss, not that this was an uncommon for him around Lily. Certainly, though, this kind of ire from the girl he loved was usually merited in some way. This time, she had no idea what they had been talking about when she had gone off on him. So instead of searching for an excuse as usual, James first waved away the other three boys. Used to this kind of confrontation, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, who hadn't even said a word, walked ahead to the portrait hole and entered the common room. Madison, meanwhile, was looking sadly at Lily, her brow creased in concern. James tried to make eye contact with her, but failed as Madison began to whisper to Lily soothingly. He observed as Lily gestured to Madison much in the same way he had to his friends. Madison then whispered a few final words, unheard by James, and also disappeared behind the portrait hole.

James Potter and Lily Evans were alone in the corridor.

_Finally, _thought Lily Evans.


	3. Detente?

disclaimer: not mine

* * *

"Sometimes you are so dramatic."

James' words went into one of Lily's ears and out the other.

"Lily, look at me. What do you want from me?"

Lily was staring at the portrait hole attempting to gather her thoughts before facing Potter. After a few more moments she pivoted on the spot and opened her mouth to say something biting, as if by reflex. However, realizing that she was falling back into the same pattern, she caught herself just in time and closed her mouth.

"Potter, I just don't want any more trouble."

James looked a little perplexed. "Lily, I haven't even caused any trouble," he said. " . . . yet," he added thoughtfully.

Lily closed her eyes for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to convey her thoughts to him without giving the wrong impression. She dimly registered that James was being more patient than usual with her. This thought somehow made things a little easier. The words that she had been waiting all week to say were still jumbled up in her head, though. She wasn't really expecting to get him alone today. In fact, she had pretty much given up on talking to him alone at this point. She picked that fight on the way from class to let out some pent up frustration. Nevertheless, she thought she should at least give it a shot.

"Listen, I know how it usually is with us. I was just hoping that this year could be different. I think it would make both of our lives so much easier. I promise to stop singling you out when I'm angry. I promise to try to treat you like everyone else. And it would be really nice if you stopped singling me out, too. It wouldn't be too hard for you to cease those . . . irritating . . . pranks. And I'm sure all the unmerited extra attention I am used to from you could be better focused elsewhere. What do you think?"

James was silent for a bit as he drank it all in. His head was a mess. This was not at all what he was expecting (or hoping) to hear in the deserted corridor. What he had been expecting was a scolding. He was prepared for that with a few biting remarks and a thinly veiled compliment. What he had been hoping for was a step in the amorous direction, perhaps a request for friendship that he would be happy to oblige. But this? Though she wasn't openly declaring her hatred, it wasn't exactly like Lily was asking to be friendly. Actually, it was more like she was asking that he pretend she wasn't Lily Evans at all. He knew this was impossible because he had tried many times before in an attempt to salvage his dignity. He had long ago come to terms with the fact that he could never have saved his heart from the damage she would and did surely inflict.

"What do you think, Potter? James," Lily ventured again.

"You want to treat me like everyone else." The thought pained him.

"Yes." The confirmation was worse.

And for all the things he wanted to say, the only acceptable and appropriate answer he could actually utter was an slightly defeated "alright."

"Alright?" repeated Lily

"Yeah, alright," echoed James. "Um, I have to go talk to Remus about something. I guess I'll, um . . . uh, okay bye." And with that James fled the scene through the portrait hole.

Lily watched him go, surprised at how easily James had conceded. She had expected more fight, more fire, more taunting at the very least. Something along the lines of "As if your anger bothers me, Evans. And why would I want to stop pranking you when it is often the best entertainment I can get with the least amount of effort?"

Yes, James had definitely not reacted as expected, not that Lily was upset by the turn of events. It just seemed a little . . . odd. She considered the possibility of discussing it with Madison, though that girl spouted theoretical nonsense that made life seem too complicated. For now, though, Lily cleared her mind of the exchange and entered into the common room after all the others.


End file.
